As sure as the stars shine in the sky
by DearieMate
Summary: Post-Jolly Roger angst, because I can. Emma senses something is wrong with Killian, and tries to find out what it is.


"I know what you mean."

The second he started to walk away, she knew something was wrong. Something was off.

She had never seen him look at her like that. Something was missing from his eyes..._hope. _It was completely unnerving.

**_"I know what you mean."_**

**_He turned and walked away from her. If he stayed there a moment longer, he wouldn't make it. It was too painful to be near her, when he knew that any chance he had with her was now gone, forever. The weight of the world was resting on his shoulders._**

**_There was no hope._**

When she returned to her room at Granny's that night with Henry, she noticed the light creeping out from under his doorway across the hall.

She sent Henry to bed, and once he was asleep, she snuck out into the hall.

She walked over towards his door, and knocked lightly.

"Hook?"

No answer.

"...Killian?"

Still nothing. Maybe he'd fallen asleep. His door was locked, though. Emma, being one to know how to break into places of all sorts, picked the lock and slowly nudged her way in. She was not prepared for what she saw when she stepped inside.

The room looked as if a tornado had blown through it. Tables overturned with paper tossed everywhere. Broken pieces of porcelain and glass all over the floor. The curtains hung jagged, with long tears running through them, put there from something sharp, like...a hook.

And he wasn't there.

And she felt like she couldn't breathe.

She was right. Something was terribly wrong, and whatever it was obviously had made him extremely upset. Whatever it was, she had to find him and find out.

Regina stopped by to look after Henry while she went out.

The air was brisk that night, the sky dark as ever.

It reminded her of him. Dark as night, with bits of light shining through like stars.

She headed straight to the docks, because she knew that was her best bet of finding him. She'd gone there many times herself, when she needed to be alone or think.

It took some searching, but sure enough, he was there.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him, sitting in the gravel, leaning against the trunk of a tree.

She tried to walk over to him slowly, but the gravel crunched underfoot and startled him. He turned to see who it was, and when he realized that it was her, he immediately jumped to his feet.

"Swan? What are you doing here?" he asked hurriedly.

She walked over towards him, but he took a step backwards, away from her. Strange. He was almost always moving closer. What was different now?

"I came to check on you," she said, trying to focus on his face in the darkness. "I saw what you did to your room at Granny's."

He sighed. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

She moved towards him again, just a little bit. Just enough to see his face beneath the light of the moon.

His hair was completely unkempt, his face was red. Had he been _crying?_

"Killian, what's going on?"

He bit the inside of his cheek. He almost looked as if he could break out into tears at any second.

"Emma, don't."

This was so unlike him. Sure, he had his prideful moments, but never like this. This was different.

"You're worrying me," she admitted. "What have you done?"

His voice carried over to her in painful tones. "This burden is mine alone, please, just go."

"No. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me."

"Emma, I can't." His voice was etched with frustration. She'd never seen him look so vulnerable.

"Why can't you just tell me? Why are you avoiding me?"

"Emma, I don't know how I could possibly make you understand."

She shot him a quizzical look. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You have no idea what I've been through...no idea what I've done."

"Look, whatever it is," she said, walking towards him, "we can fix it...together."

They were face to face now, standing so close. She could see the stars in his eyes. And the pain underneath.

This was all he had ever wanted, for her to come to him. For her to accept him. And now she finally had, and he couldn't have her.

"Oh, Emma."

He had pulled her close, forehead touching hers. The urge to kiss her was overwhelming him. The urge to love her was consuming him.

She smiled a little and returned the embrace, happy to have him on her side again. But as she turned her eyes upwards to meet his, the look in his alarmed her.

He spoke up, and he had never sounded more broken.

"Emma, I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Why?" she whispered, aching to know the secrets he hid beneath.

"Because I was never meant to be happy, Emma. I was never meant to have anything I want. I can't do this…You deserve so much better. But if I never get the chance again," he said through tears, "I just need you to know this-as sure as the stars shine in the sky, I will always love you."

And then before she knew it, he was walking away. Was this what he'd felt so many times when she had walked away from him? It left an ache right under her breastbone, in her heart. She loved him, she knew that now. She felt something pulling from within her, telling her to follow after him, but her feet wouldn't move. The shock of it hitting her like a brick wall - _he was giving up._

He might have given up, but she'd be damned if she would resign herself to the same fate. She would have to show him. Show him that he was loved, needed, trusted. Or she would die trying.

She choked back tears as she watched his black silhouette fade into the darkness on the edge of the shoreline.


End file.
